Debtors Time Piece.

No one ever tells you when you're 20 what the hours of each day will have turned into by the time you're 25. Each one a cog in a gear, somewhere in between the part of my brian that tells time and the part that tells me if I'm using it wisely or not.
Lazy summer days of drawing, exploring, bike riding, swimming and life loving, I recall:

Lying with my head off the couch and watching upside down my roommate play some familiar 8-bit video game. None of us have shirts on because we can't afford to condition the air but we don't mind. And anyway we all have the bodies of 20 year olds so no one is self conscious.

Playing music and shows and enjoying it just for the community, the performance, the expression and never knowing there is potentially a dime to be made.

Drinking only two and a half beers and finding myself flat on my back laughing as the room spins.

Sleeping in, sequentially, days in a row, and there is no guilt. Time well spent and invested, not wasted nor shameful.

Having the time to watch bad movies just because we know they'll be bad and that's funny. Before we figured out how to be snide, we only knew how to make absolutely everything into a good time.


Now that I'm 25 I've accrued such a great debt, my hours are spent thinking about other hours I should be living, should be using to achieve other things. So now my life is lived out in an absentee existence. I'm not totally here because I should be somewhere else. There's not enough minutes in the hour to worry about the other minutes I've got to somehow figure out how to retrieve and reuse. Do differently. And thus time passes twice as fast. And perhaps this is how we all of the sudden find that we've grown old. chasing oblivion-bound moments into infinity. Rushing by and only groping at things that could potentially be memorable. Maybe that's also why when I run into old faces they only speak about the old days, the old friends. There's nothing they're doing now that can compete with the thorough completion, utter achievement, of those old memories. Relive what was good rather than live what is now.